I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
