Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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