i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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