Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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