we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
