How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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