he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
