when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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