he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
