I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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