last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
