I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so let's talk penis.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
