I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
