and you said cock pushups were impossible
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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