dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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