I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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