Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
