I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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