i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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