Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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