I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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