I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
