:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
