Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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