grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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