Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
