is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
