Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
how does that bad decision feel?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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