My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
