update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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