you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
