3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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