He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Never underestimate the power of titties
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
