people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
