At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
