Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
