He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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