i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the day after is always just damage control
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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