saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
