Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
