I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
