I think im going to throw up on grandma
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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