I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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