..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
