Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
