Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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