There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
