just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
