Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize