I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
