he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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