If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
