i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
