soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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