It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
