Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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