Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
