check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
