K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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