Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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