Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
