honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
