the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i out mim tonsoeep
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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