i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
