is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
