Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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